I’ll try this again.
I am getting better at Self Care, slowing but surly.
I’m great at doing what I want to.
What makes me happy.
What fulfills my creative needs.
It’s the slowing down when I need it most.
As far as when I really need to be pampering my self.
Take some quiet time for conscious relaxation.
The days where I feel a little rage,
or hormones are coming on strong.
Instead of taking a bath and reading,
I tend to be destructive.
This may involve spiraling about how to get out of here,
to a place where there are no thoughts.
(which is just my own head)
Or drink alcohol to buffer.
Or have a rich meal to feel something other than chaos.
Of course, it doesn’t work.
It makes me mentally and physically sick.
The worry, more than anything I could put into my body.
However, awareness is the first step to transformation.
I recognize this little demon the second she shows up.
I have come far enough in my process, that I can make friends with her.
And the length of her stay is much shorter than it use to be.
I am learning kindness and compassion for her.
I am learning that she doesn’t want to be fed with anger and worry.
What she is longing for is a deep, long, cathartic hug.
Permission to know it’s okay to take a day off
from being on.
I practice the work I offer others, daily.
But it doesn’t mean I don’t have old patterns.
On the contrary,
actively working on myself makes me a better coach.
My mentor, Brooke Castillo, says life is 50/50.
No matter how much you accomplish,
or how much you have.
Your emotions are going to be 50% positive
and 50% negative.
But the negative is no longer bad once you make friends.
It’s all the same.
You learn to love all of it.
And it informs you.
Even in a spiral where nothing is really “wrong”.
It’s just an opportunity to go to the movies,
to treat yourself to a long bath,
to get your nails done or take a nap.
Whatever allows you to just be
in the living of life.
I also have some huge things coming in the new year.
They are exciting and scary.
I am really putting myself out there for success
and the resistance,
the self limiting talk is showing up,
as I knew she would.
I had my day.
There are no regrets.
Now it’s time to tighten my laces,
put on some Janet
and get to work.